Готовый перевод Крошка из Шанхая / Baby from Shanghai: 20 Жизнь среди химер / 20 Life among chimeras

20 Life among chimeras

Don't cry, my baby, don't cry.

Paul Simon [79]

The window blackened the skies wept with rain. Dark veil cut through the endless flashing of Aaron Kwok [80], touting Pepsi. Come Wednesday. Wednesday is the day when anything can happen.

Waking up early, Tian-Tian changed his intention. He doesn't want to go to the center for drug addicts this morning.

Why? I asked, looking sternly at him.

I want to spend time with you.

– But we are not parting ways forever. Well, well... so be it. I understand how you feel. But what if you get sick?

He took out a small bag from the boot and waved it in the air.

– Tian-Tian! – I cried reproachfully. – Well, why did you bring it with you?

For the first time in our life together Tian-Tian went into the kitchen to cook me Breakfast. I was in the tub in the afternoon. Was heard as the pan was squarcella scrambled eggs, then on the floor with a crash fell cover. Although well-meaning, but he must have started in the kitchen with this defeat. One Breakfast I did not have to bribe. I could not so easily forgive his cowardice.

I haven't touched your Breakfast. Tian-Tian sat on the sofa and fed Right. Before me lay a manuscript, and I found the numbness gave way to desperation, of witches, suddenly lost their magic spell. I was unable to return to the other world of words. In real life, everything may irrevocably change per second – smooth surface of water at any point can cover the ripples. I always hoped for a speedy success like Ali Baba, which was enough to utter the magic words "open sesame," and in front of him swung open the door into the Treasury. like bill gates who became a billionaire overnight, like Gong Li, which is about my age, not knowing a word of English, managed to conquer the hearts of millions of white males to its dazzling and mysterious beauty.

But now it seemed to me that I have not enough forces. My dreams will not come true in this city. I had nothing left, how to grab his hair and off of this planet (not yet fulfilled the prophecy of Nostradamus), or to withdraw from the world and together with Tian-Tian hide in the African backwoods or on an abandoned island somewhere in the South Pacific and there to the end of his days to grow marijuana, to breed little chickens and perform a primitive dance around the fire.

Tian-Tian has launched a paper airplane on my Desk:

– Do you want to walk?

All of his airplanes that he so artfully folded, was charming – with drawings, aphorisms and sayings of famous people: "Hell is the people around us," "Alone forever," "And where there is life", "Live poetry" and so on in the same spirit.

We went to the center of the street Yan'an, over the highway, past a long line of old houses with tiny gardens behind impenetrable fence. Shanghai people are proud that their city now peacefully coexists with the past. Here and there soar up-to-date facilities, the creation of engineering, which support the powerful body of the city, such as steel ribs. And his face – the scattered historical ruins, washed by a light rain and overgrown with moss. Each time, moving by taxi from the new part of Shanghai in the old, I hear the incessant, eternal voice of my city.

Perhaps I will remember that voice until the end of life, but never make out what he tells me. Mark believes that every city has their own, unique sound. The buzz of Paris, London, Venice, Vienna or Shanghai, he hears a special, subtle and inexplicable notes, vibrating in the heart of these cities and invisibly due to the nature of their inhabitants.

Probably sounds a bit metaphysical. Must have men met on my way, was a genetic predisposition to this way of thinking. Sex and love exacerbate susceptibility, fanning the flames of creativity from the spark of inspiration.

Perhaps, it would be nice to start the day, after refreshing the restaurant at benny's. Eccentric Belgian designer to decorate a room under the huge lobster. In the dining room was a long window with silver panes and around the perimeter of the walls, near the ceiling, reinforced the mirror. So if you want any client could sit on a chair and observe what is happening at the next table. But men especially took the opportunity with impunity to look sitting at tables ladies neckline in all shapes and styles.

We Tian-Tian eating scalding hot soup and baked clams and were a serious conversation, the most important for our life together.

– What do you think of me now? asked Tian-Tian. Shimmering blue whites of the eyes on the background of sickly pale face was similar to the point under question mark. Basically, he had a long time to gain the courage to start this conversation. You don't have to lie.

– How long have we known each other? For almost a year, but it seems much longer. And we have ahead a century, ten thousand years, because I love you. But if you don't hurry up and do not try to recover, I can't even imagine...

– When I die – wait, don't interrupt me – so when I die, when my eyes will close forever, never to see the light of day, as I will remain in your memory, what will you think about me?

I have lost my appetite. Tongue is numb, my stomach was empty. We had a long and stared unblinking at each other, on top of all these plates, glasses and forks. Have Tian-Tian whites of the eyes become so blue that, in the words of playwright Joan Hawkes, "oozed the misty moisture".

– I who-not-to-see you, – I said.

Death is a manifestation of spiritual desolation, a conscious decision taken, in the drinking of the Cup fatigue to the bottom. I've been thinking about this probably my whole life. And comprehensively considered this issue. I'm not ashamed to die. People like me cannot always trample themselves in mud, defiling their souls. – He put a finger to his chest, where the heart is. Perhaps it would look more convincing if he kept the dagger.

This is a dark impulsive impulse. Psychologists say that impulses are dangerous, and I advise you to avoid them. However, the sentiment visit us without an invitation. – He pronounced it clearly and calmly, dispassionately stirring pale, and unfeeling lips. And speaking abstractly, clearly referring to himself.

– The weaker my will, the sharper the vision, because I saw in the sun a huge gaping black hole as the main planet of the Universe came together and formed a cross.

My despair turned to anger.

I'm not going to listen to all this nonsense. To be short, you're just a jerk.

– Maybe so. Dying never fails to communicate with the living. Actually, there are plenty of people who are much bigger assholes than I am.

I grabbed his hand, cold as ice.

– Lord, well, what we're talking about? Please stop. Why we need to talk about such terrible things in the here and now? No need to talk about life and death, love and hatred, of egoism and personality. Because we both alive? If you are not satisfied with something in our lives, speak more definitely. For example, I'm messy, or talking in my sleep, or my novel wasn't interesting enough, or all the crap then so be it! I can change, I will try to get better. But for God's sake, don't say such dreadful things! That is completely irresponsible. I only dream to have wings to work together with you to soar up to the sky, and you seek only to leave me alone nisiotika to hell. Why?

Many visitors to the restaurant started looking at us. I looked up and suddenly saw his reflection in the mirror, eyes full of tears, her face distorted by a grimace of despair. The situation was stupider than you can imagine. After all, we love each other.

– Coco – Tian-Tian still looked detached and calm. – From our very first meeting it was obvious that we are totally different. I then immediately told you about it. But that did not stop us to love each other, although you're energetic and ambitious, and I lost faith in everything and can only go with the flow. Philosophers say, "Everything arises from emptiness and exist only in opposition to her."

– Hang it all, these philosophers! Never read such books. You need to be among the living, breathe. You need physical labor. My father always said that the work heals the body and soul. You need sunlight and grass, and dream of happiness and all the joy that promises us life! – I spoke hastily, chatter, like a sewing machine, a slight buzzing which seems to be the silence of the night deafening thunder.

– First, you tomorrow will leave this damned center for drug addicts, where you want to do some easy and useful physical work – digging beds in the garden and sing songs with them. And when you feel better, I will personally see to it that you had more contact with women, but I simply will not let you fall in love with any of them. I'll even bring you prostitutes if you will recover and become a normal person. – I was almost blind with tears, mirrors on the walls of the restaurant was shrouded in fog.

Tian-Tian hugged me:

You're insane.

He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me, so I wiped my eyes. I looked at him through the salty veil:

– I'm as crazy as you are.

In the mirror on the opposite wall I noticed someone close eyes on me, and in a brief moment of enlightenment I realized that this is mark. He was sitting at one of the tables with a foreign woman middle-aged, apparently, his friend. He's probably already quite a long time watching me.

I pretended not to notice, and asked the waiter to bring the bill. Today was Wednesday, and Wednesday is the day when anything can happen.

Mark was still looking in my direction, he looked embarrassed and nervous. When he got up from the table, I turned away. The waiter returned with the bill. I pulled out my wallet, but because of the excitement and haste could not count the bills.

Mark approached us, his whole appearance portraying a surprise.

– What a coincidence! I did not expect to meet you here! He held out a hand of Tian-Tian.

They played absurd the performance was just disgusting, I felt contempt for this self-righteous German. He had no right to touch Tian-Tian the same hands that once caressed my body. In this rung false time, a touch of looked tactless and offensive. And let's not say that he did not notice the helplessness and weakness of Tian-Tian. Lord, we have not had time to recover from the pain and bitterness of the conversation. Tian-Tian had to decide on treatment in a rehabilitation center, and we were both desperate. And this man, shamelessly possessed by me during the secret passionate meetings, dared to approach and falsely polite tone to ask Tian-Tian, as he feels.

Even if he was attracted to me unbridled passion, he had to control himself not to move. He had to stay away and let us leave in peace.

Nerves were taut as a bowstring. I quickly headed to the door, pulling Tian-Tian behind him. Mark went after him, he gave me the book I left it on the table. I quietly thanked him and faintly said: – Get lost.

***

That night Tian-Tian did not sleep a wink. We were kissing until pain in lips, and the bitterness of hopelessness melted on them, filling the room. After the crash we found refuge on our bed – the only island of hope in the vast ocean of despair. We could save only love. When hearts are broken and sad hear a weak sound. So, quietly crackling, falling out of a tree dry branch. I promised Tian-Tian, I'd often visit him at the rehabilitation centre, I will definitely take care of the Fluff and think about their health. I'd be a lot of hard work and will definitely finish the novel. I'm not going to succumb to fear. I just needed to believe that I'm the most happy and beautiful woman living on earth, and hope for a miracle. It was all I could do. I swore I would wait for his return.

I love you. And my love strong and infinite.

***

The next day I as in a dream, the first step was taken Tian-Tian in the drug rehabilitation center. I found this center in advance and she wrote it down. The receptionist quickly found the name of Tian-Tian in the register, and told me to pick up a few unnecessary things. Steel door slowly closed behind him, and we didn't have time to look at each other goodbye

http://tl.rulate.ru/book/9151/174533